Labeled
by SoulOfAFangirl684
Summary: Nozomu found that he didn't mind dating such an activist. Hayato opened his eyes to all the labels and stereotypes while simultaneously making him feel like none of that mattered. (Or, the road to Nanashima accepting his bisexuality is a long one.)


**First things first, SPOILERS! Nothing too major, but this does reference a chapter early in the manga that wasn't adapted for the anime, as well as some things that happen later on... and also events revealed in the manga's epilogue.**

 **Now that that's out of the way… This is my first time writing for this fandom. I spent a lot of time critiquing little details while I was writing—the use of their names, specifically. This is one of those shows where they never quite move past using their surnames with each other, for the most part. (Which is why it was something I took notice of when Shinomiya slips up and starts to use Nanashima's given name in the epilogue, before correcting himself when he realizes they're in public.) So I wasn't used to using their given names myself, but though this is technically written in third person, I've always felt it should reflect the character that writing focuses on, and it wouldn't seem natural for Nanashima to think about himself using his surname. So you'll see that change as the story progresses.**

 **Labeled**

Nozomu Nanashima had never been one for reading. Certainly not for fun, and he didn't have the patience for the overcomplicated wordings and overreaching metaphors littering his school assignments. (There _was_ a reason he wasn't exactly a model student.) But he had to admit, that experience did come in handy _sometimes_.

The sort of silence that was so loud it interrupted your thoughts was one of those things he'd only ever read about in books before. But he had to admit… it was kind of nice to have an adequate description for the situation… as awkward as it was.

The gang was all gathered at the Serinuma household once again. Just another ordinary day. He was pretty sure the official plan had been to do homework or something. But when Kae had sheepishly eased open the door to her bedroom, the other five had frozen in the doorway for a solid minute.

"It's like an earthquake hit just this room," he heard Shinomiya whisper in horror to his left.

"It is a rather… unique view of feng shui," Nishina commented to his right, sounding so intrigued he suspected she might actually think the mess before them had been arranged purposely.

He heard Igarashi scoff in response behind him and said nothing himself. They finally broke out of their frozen positions when Mutsumi stepped forward to at least right the overturned table where they were meant to do their work. With his big open eyes and typical oblivious innocence, he was the one to ask, "Serinuma, did something happen?"

The five of them spread out, careful not to step on any of the anime paraphernalia strewn over every single surface, as she laughed awkwardly. "There may have been a _minor_ disaster this morning… I was running late, and I couldn't find the next volume of the manga I'd promised to lend to Ah-chan… I'd already forgotten it two days in a row and…"

"Yeah, we get the picture," Nana finished for her, bringing up a hand to scratch the back of his head in resignation. He just managed to resist rolling his eyes when Igarashi—ever so _charmingly_ responsible—voiced the obvious.

"Well, I guess we better set this in order first." He might as well have clapped his hands and told them all to get to work. Yusuke Igarashi had been in the spotlight in one way or another his whole life. The handsome, popular sports star… It instilled a certain confidence in him that showed its face in every aspect of his life. Naturally, he'd taken up a sort of leadership position with this group as well. It was one of his friend's more… irritating qualities.

 _But you didn't always think so._

He pushed the little voice in the back of his head away, kneeling down to start organizing the clutter immediately before him. In each of the other corners of the room, his rivals—dare he call them his friends at this point? –were doing the same. It took no time at all for the two girls to get distracted, chattering away about one of the series Nishina had come across.

He spotted indulgent smiles on Mutsumi's and Igarashi's faces, heard a sigh expressing all of his own exasperation from Shinomiya. He didn't even bother trying to tune in to Serinuma's ramblings; he was pretty sure he'd gotten the gist by now.

Nozomu did wonder sometimes why he still put in such an effort for Kae's affections. She was hot, sure, but not exactly what he was looking for in a romantic partner. When all this had started, he hadn't been thinking any farther than a single date, perhaps some fooling around afterwards. The longer he held out for her decision, the more serious a commitment it became. And he wasn't sure he was up for that.

Surely, he couldn't be the only one with doubts? The others had to know dating a real boy was unlikely to turn off this obsession she had with seeing boys _together_ , right? Were they all really okay with that? Personally, he didn't think he wanted the girl at his side habitually imagining him with the random attractive guys they'd run into when they went out together. He had to admit, if she did end up choosing him, that sort of thing would put a strain on their relationship real quick.

But then, just when he'd start to think that maybe it wasn't worth it, he'd get a glimpse of something else. A passion or righteousness that he just couldn't look away from. By now he knew—Serinuma's inner beauty was even more captivating. He wasn't going anywhere yet.

He completed one stack of manga (properly sorted by title and chronological volume, thank you very much) and started on the next one. What did she see in this stuff anyway? It wasn't like Nana had a _problem_ with it in real life, per se. He wasn't that kind of guy. But these fantasized stories… all written by girls, he was sure… they were just so… far-fetched. (And all right, some of them were just fucking weird and creeped him out—but not because it was about two guys! Really! What was it about stalking and incest that people found romantic?) Honestly, it wasn't bigoted to be put off by some of this stuff… right?

Nozomu flipped over the next volume he picked up to skim the summary, as if trying to prove his own point. This one was about some popular guy who dated a different girl each week—the first to ask him out each Monday morning—but dumped them all by Sunday night. One Monday, the first person to proposition him is another guy, as a joke… but he accepts anyway.

…All right, that one actually sounded kinda interesting. Given that it was written for a BL audience, he was sure they did stay together at the end. How did he explain that, he wondered, after a lifetime of liking girls? To himself as well as his peers?

It was then, eyes glued to the back of a shounen-ai manga, that he took note of the deafening silence. He looked up to find everyone else's eyes locked on _him_. He didn't quite have time to blush before he spotted the teasing smile quirking at Igarashi's lips—mocking him, even if just lightheartedly. "You, uh, branching out your interests there, Nana?"

"Really? That's wonderful."

He tried to block out Mutsumi's oblivious positivity, Igarashi's resulting snicker. He didn't get a chance to defend himself, though, before Kae cut in, eyes sparkling enthusiastically. "Ooh, you picked a good one! Do you want to borrow it, Nanashima?"

"What? No way!" he shot back reflexively. "I was just… spacing out for a second."

Luckily, he was spared from finding a more convincing defense a second later. Across the room, Nishina spotted the next volume, picking it up to see what they were talking about. " _Seven Days_ ,huh? I don't think I've read this one."

"Really?!" Kae exclaimed, immediately turning to her instead. "You'll love it! It's about these two boys who—"

Nozomu tuned her out again as her fangirling picked back up, quickly putting the book down and silently encouraging everyone else to move on too.

And it worked, for the most part. They got her room back into a habitable condition and actually managed to get some of their schoolwork done. But he was perfectly aware of his old friend trying to meet his eyes across the table.

He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised when Igarashi hung back to talk to him when they all left Serinuma's house that night. He hadn't exactly done the best job of brushing it off like it wasn't a big deal, keeping his head down so firmly.

"Hey, Nana, wait up a second." He obliged. Igarashi at least had the decency to keep his voice low. Mutsumi and Shinomiya had gone on ahead, oblivious to the conversation taking place behind them. And he could be thankful that the biggest potential headache had been picked up by a private driver directly from the Serinuma household. "Is something going on?"

"Like what?" he replied, trying to sound flippant.

He should have known Igarashi would see right through him, though. The taller boy sighed. "Look, back at Serinuma's house… I didn't mean anything by it. I don't care if, you know…"

"I just wanted to understand what Serinuma likes about it," he cut in, saving Igarashi from his awkward apology. "Come on, man, you don't really think I read that crap, do you?"

He must have finally sounded convincing enough, because he could see Igarashi starting to relax. "Yeah, sure. Sorry, man. You just got quiet for a while there. Kinda freaked me out."

"Yeah…" It was awkward for just another second or two before Igarashi seemed to move on with a sense of finality.

And things did go on as if nothing had happened. The next day was business as usual, just the ordinary insanity. Igarashi didn't bring it up again… But Nozomu couldn't seem to push this incident out of his own head. Avoidance was an old defensive fallback, but it was failing him now.

It shouldn't have been a big deal. It hadn't even escalated enough to be considered a conflict. But this… _moment_ had stirred up some old memories in Nozomu, and he could tell they weren't going away anytime soon. Not this time.

 **…**

He wasn't sure when it started. There was no definitive interaction he could remember that prompted him to start looking at Yusuke Igarashi in a way that was… decidedly not platonic. It just sort of happened. One day they were close friends managing—if only just—to keep their rivalry at bay. The next, Nana suddenly understood why Yusuke had so many girls—even back then—vying for his attention.

It was no exaggeration to say this change was something twelve-year-old Nozomu had agonized over, not that he would admit to having those thoughts in the first place. One day, he was just another boy on the team. And then, suddenly, he had a secret. And it made him feel more and more like a liar, the longer it went unsaid.

It started to feel like a constant battle was being fought within his own mind. Much as he didn't want these differences addressed, was near-paranoid with the fear of being caught, it chipped away at him a little more with each day that passed without Igarashi noticing anything was out of place between them.

It was almost a relief when their rivalry was abruptly decided. His injuries were nothing life-threatening. He supposed he could have gotten back into the game and challenged him again… but what could he say? Nozomu saw an out, and he took it. He quit soccer and slowly distanced himself from his friend.

He wasn't sure how Igarashi had interpreted this, but he didn't go to any great measures to stop them from drifting apart. (Which Nozomu supposed answered one question—a train of thought he firmly put a lid on.) He didn't question it when he suddenly became 'Igarashi' again after at least a year and a half of being 'Yusuke' to him. They remained on friendly terms, but it was never quite the same.

 **…**

Nozomu's sigh was just barely noticeable as he tried to bring himself back to the present and focus in on the math lesson taking place before him. He heard the snobby student council member seated behind him scoff in disapproval, so he made a big deal of stretching for emphasis, blocking her view, only replacing his arms on his desk just as their teacher turned back around.

As the instructor droned on, he quickly lost interest again and began dwelling on other things. He suspected there was no lid strong enough to keep those thoughts away this time. Maybe because he had a better understanding of what those thoughts and feelings meant this time around.

Even at twelve… He'd been young, not naïve. There was a reason he'd agonized so over keeping it a secret. He didn't need the stigma of that kind of label. Especially when it wasn't even true. Not really.

Because he _wasn't_ gay, okay? He liked girls.

…But he'd liked Igarashi too. And the older he got, the harder it became to ignore. He didn't still feel that way about him _now_ , of course. And none of the other crushes had felt quite that serious. But he _had_ noticed other boys in that manner—alongside the girls—in the years between getting over Igarashi and getting involved with this thing with Serinuma.

And perhaps the real truth was he didn't _want_ to know what that said about him. Why did it have to say anything? It wasn't like he'd suddenly be a different person if everyone knew he was… Well, it didn't matter.

His eyes drifted across the room to where Serinuma was diligently taking notes. Maybe a little _too_ diligently. He brought a hand up to cover a smirk. He could read her pretty well by now and was sure she'd just awoken from her own daydreams. His gaze lingered there, watching her. Speaking of labels…

It was true that he'd only been drawn to her for her looks at first, but they'd come so far since then. Even her… hobbies weren't quite so off-putting anymore. He'd be lying if he said that mindset didn't still rub him the wrong way sometimes, but he'd begun to appreciate that side of her too. Admire it, even. Kae Serinuma wore her titles of _otaku_ and _fujoshi_ like badges of honor. Never mind that those badges made other people cringe, avert their eyes, and whisper about salaciously about her when she walked by.

What would it be like to be so genuinely unaffected by those opinions, he wondered? Sure, he put a pretty convincing untouchable, devil-may-care appearance out there for the world, but Nozomu would always know the truth.

 **…**

There came a point where it was pretty clear that he was losing this race. Not just him, either, but Nozomu suspected he may have been the most accepting of this realization. This didn't mean he was going anywhere. These get-togethers had stopped being strictly about winning favor with Kae a while back. Nozomu dared say he would even consider them all friends at this point.

Shinomiya seemed to be on the same page—he found that they usually were—and Nishina was in aggressive denial. After a while, Nozomu was pretty sure they all knew—even if Serinuma didn't—that this competition had been narrowed down to Igarashi and Mutsumi.

And he found… that he only had the best wishes for them. He still cared about Kae… but in a different way. She'd opened his eyes. Made him see himself in a different way. And he'd like to think he was better for it.

Maybe he hadn't accepted his own labels yet, but he felt like he was getting there.

 **…**

It was not a quick journey. Mutsumi went off to college in Kyoto, and Serinuma focused herself so she could meet him on his level. And, once again, Nozomu found himself inspired to do the same. He spent the last year of his high school education reacquainting himself… with himself.

Nozomu found… balance during that last year. Even Serinuma's heroic efforts were likely not enough to save _his_ grades, so he didn't expend any extra stress over that. He started up a recreational soccer club with some of his other classmates. And even a few younger students who might keep the club going after he graduated. They weren't particularly good—anyone with real skill had already been recruited by the competitive school team—but it was great for a little fun and a way to blow off steam. He continued to care for his sister when his parents took on weekend shifts. And he'd already practically moved into the Shinomiya household when Hayato's parents left the country.

It wasn't something he ever would have admitted even just a year or two ago, but he enjoyed the housework—the cooking in particular. He grew to love seeing Shinomiya's eyes light up when a new recipe he tried turned out successfully. The younger boy's eyes started lighting up at a lot of the everyday things Nozomu did for him. And it made something in his chest flutter a little each and every time. Neither of them brought it up when Hayato grew more adept at caring for himself. He didn't ask Nozomu to leave. And that was fine with him.

In the end he went to a local college to study culinary arts. He visited home often, still babysat for Kirari whenever he could. He told his family he'd gotten a dorm room—so he could have the full college experience—but really he was commuting from Shinomiya's home each day. It was nothing personal. He and his parents just… weren't very close, and it was a lot to explain.

Hayato's own study habits helped him to keep on top of his course load, but for the first time—possibly ever—Nozomu found he was enjoying school. But it was hardly a one-sided arrangement. Nozomu saw his kouhai through his last year of high school, and the youngest of their group just… bloomed.

Nozomu watched that snobby, put-on arrogance turn into real confidence. He was voted to play the princess once again in their cultural festival class play and promptly took over directing the whole production. Nozomu didn't feel the need to comment when Hayato brought home some of the early drafts of his costumes. Or when dresses, fancy shoes, and wigs began being delivered.

Nozomu saw a reappearance of Hayato's snooty expression—just daring him to object—when he began wearing those things casually around the house. He didn't, of course, and Hayato soon relaxed again. Nozomu hardly had room to judge anyone else's self-discovery process. It had taken _him_ nearly a decade just to accept wholeheartedly that he was capable of having romantic feelings for both girls _and_ boys. Nozomu had reached a stage where he accepted a lot and questioned very little.

 **…**

The invitation was crisp and official in his hands. He wasn't shocked that Serinuma and Mutsumi were announcing their wedding. He was glad they were still happy together. (He had his doubts early on.)

"It doesn't feel like it's already been seven years," he commented passively, if only to have something to say.

"Everyone's got their own lives now," Hayato answered, also sounding unconcerned. "It isn't as if we haven't kept in touch at all."

They both had the day off and were lounging on the sofa, Nozomu's head resting back against Hayato's chest. Some of their casual moments like this still brought him back to the days when Nishina would have them pose for her character models. He could still remember being twisted awkwardly under Igarashi in a way that was meant to be sensual. In hindsight, he had to laugh. If she'd managed to make _that_ look like a comfortable, natural position, maybe her books really had earned all their praise.

He suspected Shima Nishina, in all her now-famous authorial glory, would find the real thing rather dull. Well, maybe she'd get a kick out of the pride flags Hayato had used to line their bedroom walls. And it wasn't like they didn't have their… exciting moments. But Nozomu, at least, felt that their everyday life together was rather ordinary. For all the time Hayato had spent encouraging him to embrace his bisexuality… Nozomu found he'd already made his peace with it. They'd become the pair that other introduced as "roommates" before sharing significant looks, giggling, and whispering. And that was just fine.

With him, anyway. He'd seen Hayato get huffy with people on more than one occasion, demanding to know just what was so funny or scandalous, and then proceeding to "educate the ignorant," as he put it. They were just people, after all, and it was only old-fashioned beliefs that blinded people to that. Japan was hardly the LGBT+ center of the world, but Hayato Shinomiya was convinced that it _could_ be, if they all did their part.

Once so self-conscious about letting the world see him for who he really was, Nozomu found that he didn't mind dating such an activist. Hayato opened his eyes to all the labels and stereotypes while simultaneously making him feel like none of that mattered. He was in love and didn't care whether people saw it for what it was. He was labeled and judged and happy and _whole_.

 **Review please!**

 **I don't own Kiss Him, Not Me.**

 **I've always found Nanashima to be an interesting character. (I was always partial to shipping him with Shinomiya, though it seems most people want to see him with Igarashi. I personally like to headcanon that as an old crush that he's put behind him.) I feel like he reached a point in the canon series where he knew he didn't really stand a chance with Kae, but he stuck around anyway. And even though he tends to come across as a bit brash, I always felt there was something genuine about him too.**


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